A lot of things have been going on in my life in the past week which will all become terrifying apparent very shortly. This means I’ve had no time to write any nonsense to post here as I’ve been writing nonsense to post elsewhere. I’ve also been off work.
These crudes graphs will give you a rough idea of what’s happened to me during my time off.
By Tuesday, my mother was asking what the hell had happened to me. I had become isolated and weird. More so than usual.
So I was hard at work this morning when I thought you know what, I’m going to take a moment away to reach out and to talk about something important.
I have two dogs. One is aged one and the other is twelve. One is very loving and needy and cute. The other is pissed off, doesn’t need you, and grunts like a hog. I am very fond of both of them. My house is a very sing-songy house and I find it difficult to believe other people don’t narrate their whole lives in song. Washing the dishes? Sing a song about it. Trying to pick something to watch on Netflix? Sing Copacabana. It just makes sense. Linking these two ideas, here are the Top Five Songs I Sing to my Dogs, because did you really want to read another article about Jeremy C/Hunt?
5. Theme from ‘Flipper’
(They Call her Iggy, Iggy, Faster than Lightning)
A song about a beloved bottlenose dolphin. Or is it really about a furry household friend? This timeless 1960s hit helps me think merrily on all those abused beasts of the sea, jumping around for the entertainment of sunburnt tourists in Florida.
4. Club Tropicana – Wham!
(Club Puppy Doggy Drinks are Free)
Not sure what I mean by this one. That there’s a club somewhere that serves drinks for dogs? The dogs serve the drinks? They make the drinks using dogs?
3. She Knows She’s Half Beagle, She Knows She’s on Point – Author’s Original Creation
(Dad was a Beagle, Mum was a Mutt)
A song of my own design, here I reference my dog’s heritage along with the fact that she is “on point”
to be perfect; to satisfy; whatever it was, it met the person’s standards
“Damn, that chicken was on point!”
by Shawnte. October 30, 2008.
– URBAN DICTIONARY”
2. Anaconda – Nicki Minaj
(My Little Puppy Don’t, My Little Puppy Don’t, My Little Puppy Don’t Want None Unless You Got Treats, Hun/ Oh My Gosh, Look at her Pup)
Ostensibly a song about dicks and women with gigantic asses, but when we really start to think about it, are the lyrics not more concerned with how dogs are great and concerned with an entirely different sort of bonio?
1. People are People – Depeche Mode
(Puppies are Puppies So Why Should It Be?)
As bishops love sci-fi, dogs are notorious for their love of new wave electronic rock. Enough said.